just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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