So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
