in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
