I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
