So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
