Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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