I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
