Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
