full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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