Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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