WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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