she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
