she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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