it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
