All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
