i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize