its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
