She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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