So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
