I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
