i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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