well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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