We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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