I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
