So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
