I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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