im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
