you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
