I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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