Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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