that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
