he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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