Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize