guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
