I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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