Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
