We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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