Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
third nipple confirmed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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