He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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