There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
