I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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