the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
