aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
