so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
no, he came in my armpit
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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