so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
