I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
