I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
