please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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