Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
