when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
