wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
