Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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