I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
