So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
