Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
