Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
