Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
