I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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