meet me or not, i'm out of control
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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