I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
