i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
