you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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