She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
