i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
