And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
