Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
