ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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