your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
