just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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