So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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