My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize