i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
