I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
