Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
