The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
