so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
