nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
