spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
