Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Randomize
