i was born a porn star she said
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
