question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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