I can text with my tongue
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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