At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
