hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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