i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
