my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
