I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I love having hate sex.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
