they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
