there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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