I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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