I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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