either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
