So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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