I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
