I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
