IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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