I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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