I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
