You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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