So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
