i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
