false alarm. still invincible.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
