Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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